Who’s in it?: Nicolas Cage (Raising Arizona, Face/Off)

Jesus Christ, Nic Cage, do you even read the God damn scripts for the movies you do any more?  I know you’ve had some financial issues lately but shit, really?  This movie was fucking terrible.

We get it, you like to play hit men and wear bad hair wigs and act conflicted.  But just because someone says there is a script with no one attached to star, don’t you think that’s because no one in their right fucking mind wants anything to do with it?

So in Bangkok Dangerous, Nic Cage is a hit man with you guessed it…a bad hair piece. He plays Joe.  Joe has rules (don’t all assassins for hire?).  He works alone, until he gets a protege- and he falls in love…awww.  Can someone please tell me how come these fucking movies always start with the protagonist talking about having rules and those rules can’t be broken then the asshole does nothing but break his own fucking rules for 2 hours.  Hey dick head, if you had followed your own rules you would have done your job and lived.  Sure your character would have continued being a fuck up but-

Wait, now that I’m putting some actual thought into this- and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who put any thought into this movie- there was not one God damn original or redeeming quality about this fucker.  Fuck this movie…

…and Nic Cage, let me tell you something.  I named my kid after you.  You better get your fucking act together.  Remember Raising Arizona and Leaving Las Vegas and The Rock and you know, the days when you used to make good movies?  Why don’t we try getting back to that.  Read the script.  If you like it, don’t do it.  Do you even have an agent?  Can your agent read?  Dammit, Nic Cage….DAMMIT.

By the way, this is another remake.

2/10

Would I recommend this movie?: Did you even read this blog.  No.  I wouldn’t recommend this piece of crap.