All posts by Timothy English

2007 Movie Reviews

‘Entry Level’ (2007) — movie review

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Who’s in it?: D.B. Sweeney (The Cutting Edge, Fire in the Sky), Missi Pyle (Big Fish, 50 First Dates), Kurtwood Smith (That 70’s Show, Robocop)

This is another one of those movies where I was scanning the program guide and came across this movie and thought, ‘I’ve never fucking heard of this movie…but hey it has D.B. Sweeney AND I haven’t seen it so–‘… I watched it and it honestly didn’t leave much of an impression, so that can’t be good.

D.B. Sweeney stars as a guy who owns a restaurant but it gets closed and he has to hit the job trail but he’s really not motivated.  He starts going on interviews where he learns the same people are looking for the same jobs and it really doesn’t matter because jobs fucking suck and he’s going to be miserable doing any fucking job.

I will be honest, this movie might suck.  It’s really not that bad, it’s just not that great either.  It’s an independent movie and not the good kind, where you think- hey, all movies should be made like this- It’s more the kind where there are all kinds of weird characters and everyone has a chance to act quirky because that’s what independent movies are filled with, right?  It’s slow moving and kind of tedious and really just not worth saying anything else about it…zzzzzzzzz.

5/10

Would I recommend this movie?: Meh.  Probably not.  I mean if you like indy movies where there is a lesson to be learned but it’s really not that interesting–then fine but you’d have to be pretty bored to watch this movie.

2008 Movie Reviews

‘Bangkok Dangerous’ (2008) movie review

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Who’s in it?: Nicolas Cage (Raising Arizona, Face/Off)

Jesus Christ, Nic Cage, do you even read the God damn scripts for the movies you do any more?  I know you’ve had some financial issues lately but shit, really?  This movie was fucking terrible.

We get it, you like to play hit men and wear bad hair wigs and act conflicted.  But just because someone says there is a script with no one attached to star, don’t you think that’s because no one in their right fucking mind wants anything to do with it?

So in Bangkok Dangerous, Nic Cage is a hit man with you guessed it…a bad hair piece. He plays Joe.  Joe has rules (don’t all assassins for hire?).  He works alone, until he gets a protege- and he falls in love…awww.  Can someone please tell me how come these fucking movies always start with the protagonist talking about having rules and those rules can’t be broken then the asshole does nothing but break his own fucking rules for 2 hours.  Hey dick head, if you had followed your own rules you would have done your job and lived.  Sure your character would have continued being a fuck up but-

Wait, now that I’m putting some actual thought into this- and I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who put any thought into this movie- there was not one God damn original or redeeming quality about this fucker.  Fuck this movie…

…and Nic Cage, let me tell you something.  I named my kid after you.  You better get your fucking act together.  Remember Raising Arizona and Leaving Las Vegas and The Rock and you know, the days when you used to make good movies?  Why don’t we try getting back to that.  Read the script.  If you like it, don’t do it.  Do you even have an agent?  Can your agent read?  Dammit, Nic Cage….DAMMIT.

By the way, this is another remake.

2/10

Would I recommend this movie?: Did you even read this blog.  No.  I wouldn’t recommend this piece of crap.

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Why the Hell Am I Doing This?

A lot of people have been asking why I decide to do this.  Even more of you think I have way too much time on my hands.  Well, here’s the deal.  I’ve been working for Examiner.com for over a year now as the Kansas City TV writer and the National Lost writer.  When Lost ended in May I was drained and frankly bored with episodic television.  Most of you know me or remember me as being a movie geek.  The truth is I don’t get out to the movies nearly as much as I’d like and I feel like I’ve neglected my love of the movies.

So over Memorial Day weekend I decided I am going to watch 100 movies I’ve never seen before over the summer.  I figured since I work from home and the kids would be here with me for the summer….I’d have plenty of time on my hands.  So the challenge was born.

My rules were simple.  I gave myself from June 1st until August 31st, 2010 to finish, give or take a few days or a weeks or so to account for circumstances that may keep me from daily movie watching….such as having an actual life and a family that might want some of my attention too.  Plus, despite popular opinion, I do have a job, so I’d have to work around that schedule.  Luckily since I work from home, I can usually watch movies while I work.

So, I had 90 days or so to watch these movies.  I didn’t plan any out in advance.  I just figured it would be random.  I thought it would be too hard to plan out 100 different movies.  The movies came from several different sources:

  • Cable: HBO, Starz, Showtime, The Movie Channel
  • Redbox
  • Netflix
  • Theatres
  • Pay Per View flicks
  • and other (borrowed DVDs, etc.)

Some are movies I hadn’t gotten around to seeing yet, others are movies I had never heard of.  Some are kids flicks.  Some are chick flicks.  Some are movies that I knew would suck but dammit if I didn’t watch them anyway.  The challenge wasn’t 100 Movies I WANT to see… It was 100 Movies I HAVEN’T seen.

Any questions?

DISCLAIMER:  If you choose to read my 100 movies blog you are doing so at your own risk.  This blog will not be for the weak of heart as I plan to be very adult (or is it childish?) in how I write it.  Meaning, I intend to use my very rich and extensive vocabulary.  I spend nearly every waking hour with children.  I write for an internet news site in addition to my other writing job.  So dammit, I’m going to use some colorful language from time to time but I’ll try and behave myself….for the most part.

Peace.